Seeing the World

I staggered through the front door after 7pm on Friday, dragging the heavy suitcase and my hand luggage bag.  Chile – been there, done that.

Despite the aches, pains and tiredness of travel I chucked the big case on the floor, unlocked it and unzipped it.  Two bags ofdirty clothing were immediately thrown into the washing machine.

An efficient act on my part, but for the last day and a half the suitcase has remained open in the hallway with all its other junk on display.  I’ve been too stiff to actually bend down and attend to it.  But by leaving it open it’s a stark reminder that I have travelled with more than I need.

An extra hat – one sun hat is enough.  A second bottle of sun cream – barely scratched the surface of one.  More jumpers than were strictly necessary.  A cool bag and mini rucksack that were never used, although Oz might need these.  More stuff beneath these things that I can’t see and can’t recall.  Hopefully this afternoon my uncomfortably tight hamstrings and all round battered body will be loose enough to rezip the case, drag it upstairs, chuck it on the bed and start sifting through it.

I need to be quite radical.  Even though it was under 20kg for most of the trip, it’s a struggle for me to move it around and a risk to my already knackered back.  Solo Dave in Australia isn’t going to have Chris on hand to do the heavy lifting.  Or driving.  Or anything!

Ideally I’m going to get rid of anything that isn’t essential.  Minimal clothing.  Minimal convenience items that seem like a good idea when packing but just don’t get used.  Minimal everything.

After twelve flights in less than four weeks (plus Reykjavik in March) I’d have expected a bit more wear and tear on the big bag.  Fortunately it’s still in good condition.

Now to make sure I remain in good condition shifting it around.

Reviewing My Health Now I’m Home

That’s the longest holiday I’ve ever had.  Nearly four weeks out of the country and a convoluted route home to maximise cheaper air fares.

And before I book anywhere else it’s right to take stock of my overall health situation.

My ability to shift a large suitcase around is a concern.  Lifting it strains my back.  Rolling it from terminal to taxi/hotel is also a challenge.  Ahead of Australia I need to review my definition of “pack light” and pack lighter.  I won’t have Chris helping me out next time.

I’ve woken this morning with very limited ability to bend.  The open suitcase I’ve left on the floor has numerous items left in it where I’m struggling to bend down and reach.   I’m hoping my body will become more flexible as the day progresses.

Monday sees a  CT scan that, as well as focusing on my lungs, will also look at my lower back and pelvis.  This will hopefully explain why I suffer frequent low level back pain that has recently re-added sciatica to its list of symptoms.

Siting down for long periods currently causes less coccyx pain than it used to though.  But anything over an hour in the same position is uncomfortable.

Naproxen, paracetomol, the occasional tramadol and occasion amytriptoline are needed.

I’m still deaf in my right ear, as a result of Bell’s palsy.  I need to get my GP to refer me to a hearing specialist as it seems my eye clinician isn’t allowed to do that himself.  The palsy itself is now ten months old.  Nose bleeds, eye pain and difficulty talking are ongoing issues.  I still have to tape my eye up nightly to protect it while it remains open 24/7.  My eye drops are useless.  The prescribed eye lubricant is excellent along with wearing shades to keep light out.

My other issue is the ease of which I pick up aches and strains.  My right shoulder seems to have overstretched and it hurts like hell when I cough.  And then there’s the worry that it’s not the shoulder, it’s a pain in my lung deteriorating.  The CT scan will hopefully remove that thought.

As long as the stiffness wears off I consider myself fit to fly again.  I’ll rest for a couple of days and then work out a radical route to the USA West Coast!

Flight Twelve: Preceded by News of a Cancer Death

A sad morning. A friend I’d met online in the wild world of football message boards has died. Melanoma. Age 51. The spread of his illness was confirmed at the same time as my lung cancer was diagnosed. Joel’s sense of humour appealed. His fears for his young family (wife and three kids) stood out, as he knew the inevitable was coming. I’m so glad my kids are older. I feel so desperately sad that somebody I’ve never actually met has gone.

And then on with my day. Almost forgetting that cancer is my reason for waking in Milan after three weeks in South America. And suddenly feeling guilty for just getting on with things.  Then feeling guilty that it’s him and not me.  Yet.

The final flight of the dozen booked for this holiday. No frills Flybe. My attempt to use airport special assistance in Milan was more trouble than it was worth. So we reverted to plan A and ditched the helpers before the assistance desk could summon them. Bag drop was simple if slow. Negotiating our way through the Schengen passport control checks took two minutes rather than the four hours claimed by certain newspapers. And reassuringly those nice Italian’s have placed a convenient lounge in their bit of “outside Schengen” territory.

Beer. Sandwiches. Peanuts. Sneaky Coca Cola bagged for the plane. And eventually a gate number. “Plane on time” proclaimed the board. “Plane hasn’t even landed yet and won’t do for twenty minutes” said Google. The latter was right, although by the time we’d negotiated the never ending walk from lounge to gate they were just about to start loading passengers.

A bus from terminal departure gate to runway. No sign of our hold luggage being loaded to the flight. Lots of other people’s though. I bound up the stairs to my seat at the front of the place, leaving Chris in my wake. I assume “special assistance” won’t come looking for me now! Somehow I’m about first on board and Chris is last. Mr Very Large sits in front of me pressuring my knees. Fortunately these seats don’t recline.

The plane departs 36 minutes late. Flybe fly eventually again. I’ve sent my message to Mark, who’s successfully appointed himself as my official Manchester Airport taxi driver. A screaming child in the background. Overpriced refreshments trolley. I sip my cola and fade out into the afternoon turbulence ready to land just in time for rush hour. Not having driven in over three weeks this could be fun!

Ultimately, it’s been a fabulous trip. Chile is an extraordinary country and while Santiago isn’t exactly an exotic paradise we’ve loved our time in San Pedro de Atacama, Easter Island and Patagonia. Collected an unexpected BA airline status each (by flying Iberia and LATAM). Witnessed geothermal magic, seen the ultimate clear night sky, rainforest beauty and stone men who really are awesome on an island in the middle of nowhere. And managed to do so with no significant medical hiccups for the uninsured Dave.

We land in Manchester. It’s raining. Quelle surprise. Mark’s not just kept my car on the drive. He’s hoovered it too! And maybe a wax? What a guy!

Now, where do I go between now and November’s Southern Hemisphere return for the Ashes?

The Hotel With the Sensible Shower Controls

My morning shower at the Crowne Plaza Malpensa Airport. A breakthrough in modern shower technology. The controls are nowhere near the shower head.

This is what I’ve been seeking, without success, for decades!

You don’t get three gallons of ice cold water deluging your head when you turn it on, because the levers to operate bath and shower sit four feet away from the shower. Rather than forcing you to lean under he water flow to adjust. Marvellous!

This major progression in hotel shower provision needs rolling out across the planet before the end of the year.

Well done Crowne Plaza Milan Malpensa Airport!

Flights Ten and Eleven – Santiago > Madrid > Milan

Thirteen hours is a long time on a plane, especially when your body thinks it should be awake.

Santiago time we left just after 11am. Landing due at 6am Madrid time. Midnight for our brains.

On the outbound trip the evening flight time allowed movie, food and sleep to work well. Inbound it was movie, food, lights dimmed for sleep but it’s only 3pm. We tried. We had modest success. But neither of us got much more than two hours.

Then came breakfast. No chance of the body working properly for a few days despite the comfort of Iberia business class.

We killed six hours in the lounge in Madrid with an awful wifi connection. Then nearly missed the “final” flight back to Milan. Mango wrapped in chicken made for an interesting meal. I extracted the fruit and enjoyed the meat. A cup of tea, served with creamer. They don’t get it!

Then off to the Crowne Plaza for sleep. Fingers crossed Flybe will have us home tomorrow.  £1,500 more spent and we’d be hone now.

And Oldham Athletic lost. Again.  Discovered via wifi 39,000 feet above the Amazon rainforest.  Is that a first?

Asking For Help

Chris has been excellent on this trip, taking on the heavy lifting of both 20kg suitcases as we’ve wandered around this extraordinarily long country.

When Tosser and the Reclining Seat hit, it gave him an unexpected stiff back too.  A reminder that when I’m in Australia in November I’m very much on my own with a heavy bag and a body that isn’t always willing.

For the first time, I’ve asked Flybe for special assistance ahead of the final Milan to Manchester flight.  I don’t like asking for help.  Equally, I have to accept that my pace these days is impaired and, from time to time, my ability to move can go from adequate to poor. At the moment my right shoulder has an unexpected strain in it.  An unexpected side effect being that I was unable to turn over in bed last night.

I don’t quite know what to expect from Special Assistance.  This is a test run.  Or test walk to be more accurate.  A bit of queue jumping at bag drop?  Will they escort me to the lounge?  Will they collect me from lounge and get me through the controversial Schengen passport checks ahead of others who are queuing for hours by all accounts?

And if, as sometimes happens, my mobility hits a good standard do I have to pretend to be limping?

I almost feel like a fraud.  But I’m not exactly in perfect physical health.  And this might be how I negotiate five Australian airports solo assuming they have similar things down under.

Trying to Spend the Remaining Cash

If this was the Eurozone I’d be quite happy returning home with Euro notes.  If this was USA I’d be quite happy never seeing a bank note as everything can be obtained on credit card.  Chile has been slightly different.

The good old Halifax Clarity Credit Card is the centrepiece of my spending abroad.  No transaction fees and all that.  56p interest on the ATM withdrawals won’t kill me either.

Chile accepts credit cards widely.  Unless the wifi is down.  They also accept US dollars widely and we paid cash in two hotels using greenbacks.

I decided early on that Chilean cash was going to be king.  So made several withdrawals early on in the trip to make sure we were stocked up.  After all, the fear of being on Easter Island with no access to cash was right up there.  Several £6 charges incurred thanks to anti-foreigner ATM fees.

The fears were overplayed a little.  We’ve got to the end of the trip with a bit too much cash.  Even if we pay for all meals in peso and tip Tomas heavily on our final trip to the airport we will still have a bit left over.  And fabulous though it is, I can’t see myself returning.

A final day wasteful spending binge is in order.  Or maybe put a smile on a homeless person’s face.

2,000 Avios For Very Little – or Turn £50 into £100!

Despite being a gazillion miles away from home, I became aware of a nice little American Express deal yesterday.

Spend £25 on your AMEX Platinum card at Amazin and get 1,000 Avios.  So I bought a £25 Amazon voucher and got an email confirming my bonus.  Hopefully they’ll even add them to my account soon.

I checked by British Airways AMEX account and discovered the same offer.  So I repeated the gift voucher purchase and got the same response.

My Amazon account now has £50 on it.  I’ll probably spend this replacing knackered cables for my various devices and a few occasional other purchases that they make.

The Avios have a base value of £11.  But based on my Boston first class flights, used well I reckon there’s £50 of posh flying value there.  And if I trigger a BOGOF offer via the BA AMEX card I can double this.

In other words, £50 of spending at Amazon that I’d have paid for sooner or later anyway has just earned me £100 of flying value.

Let’s hope I live long enough to redeem that!

Tosser and the Reclining Seat

Economy plane seating isn’t much fun. Minimal space in return for minimal price.

Which is fair enough I suppose. We can all moan about it but in the end if we get from A to B cheaply we’re probably happy.

But then there’s the bastard in front who insists on reclining five degrees. This is an act of incredible selfishness. All part of the game in business class, where it doesn’t invade on anybody else’s personal space, but back in economy it’s nothing short of an assault on the individual sat behind.

Especially if that individual, like Chris, is over six foot tall. A subtle response from Chris, who was immediately in pain from the chair crashing into his knees and pinning him in, was to dance to his music, utilising the 0.2cm of remaining lateral movement available. Conveniently irritating said tosser in front – indeed, for the remainder of the tail I’ll call him “Tosser” – Tosser then turned round with a threatening glare. Chris smiled sweetly at Tosser. And carried on tapping.

More irritating than ever, Tosser actually had an extra leg room seat, so could spread out to his heart’s content waving his legs up and down for fun. A good five feet between him and the row of seats in front. Chris at high risk from blood clots from being in such a horribly confined space made worse by Tosser’s apparently acceptable recline.

When I’m put in charge of the country, or the world, my first legislation will to ban reclining seats from all new economy cabins unless at least 36″ leg room is provided.

My second legislation will be to ban the reclining of seats in all existing economy cabins, punishable by an on the spot £10,000 fine, enforceable by cabin crew, half of which is immediately payable to the victim behind, the balance paid to stray dogs in Chile. Failure to pay meaning six months jail time. No parole. And firing squad on release.

The Europeans should have gone so much further with their EU261 legislation.

Flight Nine: Temuco to Santiago