Seeing the World

That fateful February day when I got off the bus in the Maltese capital Valletta and realised my trousers were in danger of falling down saw me walk into the first souvenir shop on the left and invest €11 in a belt.  More about that here.

Six weeks later that belt has been decapitated.  They really don’t make them like they used to!

But then you look at things in a holiday light and €11 for a travel essential is rather cheap.  The price of sun cream in the resort is invariably extortion.  Buying an extra leg room seat on a transatlantic flight once cost me £85 and when you’re on the road with no access to an Amazon delivery those £2 cables suddenly turn up in Walmart for $15.  Paying £25 for a pre-flight lounge is usually pleasant but it’s not exactly great value for money unless you down several spirits and fill your bag with crisps and Coke!

I have no regrets over my belt purchase.  I do wish it was a relationship that lasted a little longer than it did.  But it served a purpose.  Life goes on.  Poundland for a replacement!

Clock changes interfere with my flights!

Next Saturday night sees me head off to Luton Airport after the football.  A night in my hotel will be cut short by the need to wake up at around 5am, dress, and take a ten minute walk with my tiny Wizz Air compliant hand luggage to the airport terminal.

There is an obvious risk of oversleeping and missing my flight, although my middle aged man requirement to head to the gents at 4am should mitigate that.

Indeed, as I made that necessary trek this morning it struck me that my early flight occurs shortly after the clocks have gone forwards by an hour.  Do I set my alarm for an hour earlier just in case my phone doesn’t pick up the time change?  Do I end up nervously checking my phone throughout the night and end up finding the deepest slumber to pull out of just before 5am?  Do I ask the hotel for an alarm call and do I trust them on it?

It’s a situation that is actually making me quite nervous.

And one that reminds me what a ridiculous concept “daylight saving time” is.  Let’s face it, shifting a dial one way or another twice a year doesn’t affect the amount of daylight that the movement of planet earth around the sun affords us.  It doesn’t change the number of hours a farmer can spend milking his cows.  It doesn’t stop an individual from using a bloody torch if it’s dark out.

But it does rather increase the possibility of me missing this plane.  Or being ridiculously tired when I set foot on it.  Or the manager of Luton Airport’s Aspire Lounge turning up late for work meaning I have to pay for a coffee instead of getting one for nothing alongside a free bacon sandwich courtesy of American Express.

Putting the Final Touches to Chile

There’s little doubt that this has been the toughest trip to plan of any I’ve put together so far.  It wasn’t even on the agenda until my son Chris suggested it in January.  I’ve finally completed the schedule planning a month after I last paid the trip any attention.  A thoroughly miserable Yorkshire day weather wise helping me over the line.

So what’s the plan?  Well it’s varied to say the least.  And it starts in Milan.  Or rather with a Flybe hop from Manchester to northern Italy to take advantage of around £1,500 worth of savings on the business class fare from the uk.  Even though it involves getting on the same plane in Madrid that we would have connected to had we booked directly from Manchester?  With it so far?

Manchester to Milan;  Milan to Madrid;  Madrid to Santiago.  That last leg being a thirteen hour business class flight that will be by far the longest I’ve ever done.  Until I do Doha to Sydney in November.

Then the holiday commences with a three day city break in Santiago.  A city which recently saw 4 million people without fresh water after mud slides polluted key waterways.

Next is a genuinely thrilling desert experience.  Back to the airport and onto a plane to the Atacama desert for four nights in the world’s driest place.  Salt flats, early morning geysers and other weird and wonderful things.  I’d love to travel into Argentina and Bolivia too but the car rental agreement strictly prohibits it.

Then it’s back to Santiago for an airport hotel, paid for with IHG reward points, before another business class flight the following morning to Easter Island.  It’s an effort to risk being as far away from the NHS as possible while suffering a serious illness!  The stone men in the picture above an obvious attraction.  One outstanding item is the car hire on the island.  I must get it sorted!

Then back to Santiago airport and another flight south to Puerto Montt.  Pick up a hire car and drive around the lakes, volcanoes and nature reserves of the Chilean Lake District before dropping off the car in Temuco and returning, again, to Santiago for a couple of nights.  It’ll be winter too!

Then it’s back to Madrid, Milan.  And eventually Manchester.

Simples.

I’ve Been Upgraded to Silver!

Chasing and obtaining status in the world of air travel and hotels can be a dangerous game.  While registering for points can give you something for nothing, it often leaves you with points that you can’t redeem for anything because their value is too low.

Worse, if you put all your eggs in one basket you can often end up paying more for your flight or room because you focus on one provider.  No point paying BA £200 for a flight when Ryanair will get you to the same destination for £40 – the Avios earned on BA have nowhere near the value of the extra cost.

That said, gaming it well can be a real winner.  British Airways Avios combined with a BA American Express card and a phone call 355 days before your chosen flight can snag you long haul first class tickets for a dream journey for two for as much as £10,000 less than full fare.

My like of Hotels.com cuts through the provider loyalty issue.  Book ten nights with them, get one free.  It’s a relatively simple proposition that means I can spread my stays across Novotel, Holiday Inn, an independent B&B, Hilton etc and still benefit from a reward that has value.  And earn TopCashback commission too.

I was excited to get an email this morning from Hotels saying that I now qualify for their Silver benefits.    This sounds quite marvellous.  After all, my BA Silver status got me lounge access pre flight and bonus Avios- and triggered a status match with Al Italia now issuing me their gold card.  Hilton Gold gets a room upgrade and a free brekkie with each stay.  IHG Gold gets me very little but was used in the status match that got me the Hilton Gold.  A virtuous circle of rewards triggering more rewards.  Stringy heaven!

So what does Hotels.com Silver mean to me?

Early access to special offers.  I think this means I get their near spam emails two hours early.

Exclusive Silver hotline.  This seems to mean I can ring them on a different phone number.

Hassle Free travel guarantee.  I think this means I can ring the above number to moan if any of my bookings turn sour.

Double Free Nights offer on my next booking.  Now you’re talking.  If I book 7 nights with them I normally get 0.7 free nights.  1.4 free nights is more fun!  A £700 booking will get me £140 of credit instead of £70.  A Silver advantage to me of £70.  Then there’s the catch.  No TopCashback payable on such bookings.  So I lose 8% on that booking.  £56 of my gain gone, reducing the worth to just £14.

Now £14 is better than nothing, although on a shorter one night booking it would be just £2 only.  And the other “benefits” are almost valueless.  So while I’ll take what they offer, I’m a little less excited now than when I initially got that email.

If I get up to thirty nights stayed this year I’ll get Gold.  That means I get those offer email even earlier.  Woo!

The Doctor Wants to Charge Me £105

Friday saw me head off to my GP surgery with a form from my insurance company.  Although little of my treatment has come from my local doctor Friends Life ask for the GP to complete the form and the questions asked should be answerable there.  My guess is that when its returned to them they’ll approach my oncologist for further information about the progress of my disease.

The receptionist at the surgery grabbed my large envelope, asked me to wait and trotted off to where one of the doctors appeared to be sat.  She returned a minute or so later asking “will you be paying the fee for this?”.  A moment of silence before she chirped up with “it’s £105”.

A pale expression fell across my face.  The non-Bell’s Palsy side drooped equally turning me into some sort of further deformed gargoyle.  What seemed like an age passed while I considered violence, shouting, throwing myself to the floor claiming pain from my cancer to gain sympathy and hoping to save £105.

Then a more rational moment.  “Please will you invoice the insurer”.  She immediately agreed.

Something tells me this slam dunk insurance claim isn’t going to be settled quickly or easily.

A Free £329 Hotel Room!

It took a bit of effort.  The easy bit was applying for the credit card and spending the £750 to qualify for a free night.  I made a hash of redeeming it in Boston but, after a battle, will have a twin room in the Hilton Park Lane ahead of the last day of the football season.

And I can’t think of anywhere more I’d rather relax.  Other than the Conrad.  Or Waldorf.  Both of which had no availability.

Never mind though, my Hilton Gold card (obtained by getting a status match after staying at Holiday Inns rather than Hiltons) gets a likely room upgrade and a free breakfast.  So the likely benefit of this stay will exceed £450.  Not that I’d have considered paying anything like that using my own money.  But it’s a nice treat.

That might be forgotten in Wimbledon beat Oldham on the Sunday and relegate them to League Two.

My Contempt For Credit Card Surcharges

I got my first credit card from Girobank as an eighteen year old with hair.  A £250 limit and an Olympic logo on the front of the card to make it interesting.  And I’ve been hooked ever since.

My first purchase was a Sony stacked hifi system with three free CDs.  Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street among the tracks I’d deafen my mother with in the aftermath.

I waited a few weeks, got the bill and paid it in full.  And I’ve paid every credit card bill in full ever since, except for the halcyon days of fee free balance transfers when I enjoyed matching my 0% credit card balance with a savings account balance earning 5% interest.  £1,500 a year of interest income for me destroyed when that evil 3% fee to transfer balances was invented!

I put the overwhelming majority of my spending on credit cards.  The budgeting convenience of one bill a month and the lure of cashback and Avios makes it a no brainer.  I’m a cautious spender who isn’t reckless so won’t spend what I can’t afford.

Yesterday I woke up with the intention of cancelling a hotel I’d booked on the East Lancs Road.  It’s located awkwardly for those heading east, as I will be.  The £59 price includes a continental breakfast and using TopCashback  and Hotels.com I’ll get about £9 in value rebated to me.

My preferred alternative became a £55 Premier Inn on the other side of the road.  No breakfast included but I have another £5 Toby Carvery all you can eat breakfast voucher for the restaurant next door.  No ability to use TopCashback or Hotels.com so I’m effectively planning to give up my £9 in rebate and £1 in up front cash to avoid doing a u turn at 11pm next Tuesday night.

Not to worry, I selected the purchase option of non-refundable for the Premier Inn, checked I’d got the right location, pondered the ridiculous image of Lenny Henry sleeping on a comfortable bed in a field as I headed for the complete purchase page.

£1 booking fee to pay by credit card.

Yes, I have a debit card I could use.  Two of them in fact.  But I really don’t want to.  Yes, I could earn 55 Avios or 55p in cashback to partially offset that extra £1.  But at this stage I’m thinking I already have a room booked. It’s paid for with no surcharge and I’m throughly naffed off that you want to screw me over for my choice of plastic when others don’t.

So I closed the browser window down and will be seen performing a handbrake turn across the carriageway of the East Lancs road instead.  Premier Inn can shove it.  Their extra £1 will leave them with an unnecessary empty room and I’ll be eating croissants instead of bacon for Wednesday breakfast.

The Claim Form From Hell

I had three insurance policies capable of bringing a little light relief to the rather unfortunate lung cancer diagnosis.

One I took out in 1997, covering death and critical illness.  At the time I’d pondered an 18 year term to coincide with Chris popping out and reaching adulthood.  Fortunately I opted for a 23 year term instead and didn’t cancel the direct debit on divorce.  £32,000 just about paid off the mortgage last month.

During the Credit Crunch I took out an accident sickness redundancy policy to pay out £200 a month for a year should I lose my job.  On numerous occasions I pondered cancelling the £10 a month direct debit.  I didn’t.  So far it’s coughed up £1,400 and looks set to get to add another £1,000 to that before expiry.

Yesterday I got home to a massive pack of forms to complete for my permanent health insurance policy taken out in 1992.  £6.93 a month that’s meant to give me £550 a month until age 62 if I ever claim.  Plus, interestingly, a guaranteed 5% annual pay rise if I’m still alive!  Not had a rise that big in years …

It’s not the gentlest claim form I’ve ever seen.  Rather unsubtle questioning about being reallocated lighter duties, hints that if you can sit down perhaps you could do a job.  Catch you out questions about how your job might be different now to 1992, possibly invalidating any claim.

Additional forms also go off to the medics and my employer.  I assume they’re both being asked “Can he breathe?” as part of the claims assessment.

It’s clear that the claims process isn’t going to be quick.  I’ve been completely honest on the form as to what I’m capable of or not.  Throwing in words like “terminal” and “palliative” alongside “pain” and the like.

And despite it being as genuine a claim as there could possibly be, a large part of me fears being declined.  If successful this will be my primary income for the rest of my life.  But at the moment I’m concerned.

$6,000 of Drugs in My Car as I Parked Illegally on a Liverpool Street