I have always thought of myself as a long term planner. It’s served me well on the whole, although I have enjoyed the spontaneity of organising overseas trips at short notice over the last year and perhaps should have lived a more spontaneous life!
But the short trips were always booked with the big trips (New England, Chile, Australia) already lined up behind them.
Today I have no interest in booking that far ahead. I’m two months into a drug that has an average success rate of eight months. And my last drug gave me about 25% of average. The options beyond osimertinib should add to my time, but not by much.
With the afatinib, my mindset was “average is 32 months and I’ll double it”. Five years is long term! Perhaps it’s proof that you can’t fight cancer’s course. Just manage your mind to handle it. We all die at some point. I can handle it being sooner than I expected.
But I am definitely struggling to get short termist. I should probably be at a stage where I’m buying my own home again. There should probably come a moment where there’s a long term commitment conversation with Rachel. Or I should simply be booking a bloody great summer holiday for me and Chris!
While these things aren’t quite driving me nuts, it sometimes feels a bit vacuous thinking in such short term ways. There are football trips to come – my two longest ever train journeys. My first ever new year away from home should be nice. And a trip to Anglesey for the week after my birthday.
Beyond that, nothing. And it’s right that I shouldn’t plan any further ahead. But I find it really tough to focus my thoughts no later than the end of January.