I think it’s fair to say I’m a bit fed up of my Bell’s Palsy,. I can handle looking a bit like a contorted Halloween mask but the permanently open eye, leaking lips and split nostril are pretty rubbish. Five months on I’m in a minority of sufferers who haven’t had the condition simply disappear after twelve weeks or so.
You may recall the difficulties I had re-entering the UK when I returned to Leeds from Bratislava. UK Border Farce weren’t at their most efficient. Manchester was different as a modest number of passengers walked through a painful terminal one barrier maze to eventually form a short queue at five ePassport gates. And everybody sailed through with biometric beauty as the facial recognition systems said yes.
Until it was my turn. Initially I didn’t help myself as I failed to push my passport in correctly. Once my tired mind worked this out I wiggled it around hoping for a more pleasurable response and stood patiently awaiting the green light. “Try Again” was the message. Repeat the wiggle three more times. Eventually I was rejected, presumably because the system was unhappy with my face. Hell, I’m unhappy with my face! I wandered over to a group of desks manned by idle staff with little to do and was nodded through within seconds.
A fine welcome back to Blighty!