It happened yesterday, as I dressed myself. Somehow I managed to put my jumper on and inadvertently stuck my finger deep into my Bell’s palsy permanently open right eye.
Surprisingly enough, it hurt. Then, I forgot to take my eye medication with me to Leeds for the genetics meeting. Worse still, as my sister transported me home, sat nav, crap road signs and bad judgement from me trying to find an alternative route meant the severe pain in my eye took a long route home.
Finally I was able to empty a large amount of prescribed lacrilube into the eye and the agony settled. A very grumpy Dave relaxed and the frustrations of my “additional conditions” eased.
But it is amazing at how little the lung cancer can directly affect my mood, yet things like the Bell’s palsy can drive me nuts. Granted, slow walking is a result of the cancer, but at the moment there’s little pain related to it. My facial paralysis means there’s always discomfort in the eye. Poking the bloody thing doesn’t help surprisingly enough.
Yes, the side effects of chemotherapy are feeling harsher. I’m tired more. Less interested in the world around. Have constipation and then medicated reverse constipation. Feel like the grumpy old man I’m meant to be aged fifty.
But ultimately I am finding everything else that’s wrong with me is currently more infuriating than the cancer itself. Including self inflicted eye poking.
No doubt that view will change as the tumours progress and the cough worsens. But my quality of life would feel a lot better if I could just stick to the one major illness.
Bells palsy remains a cruel sideshow.