The classic Jim Bowen line at the end of Bullseye.  Where the contestant has gambled all and lost the chance to win a motorboat.  Probably a relief to them in truth.  They’re a bugger to park outside a terrace when you live two hours from the nearest sea.

At the moment, images of Australia keep appearing in front of me.  In part driven by my interest in the build up to The Ashes.  But I’m at Rachel’s and notice a stuffed Koala.  Finding Nemo appears on TV.  A character in Star Trek Voyager considers becoming a test pilot in Australia.

Of course, the plan was to be in Sydney today.  The start of a five stop tour around Oz.  I’m trying to work out how much not going has affected me.  I’m a little more morbid in thought.  But not depressed.  I’m still trying to decide if it was the right decision.  Oddly, having shredded big toes overseas would probably be more troublesome than anything cancer drug related.

Yet there’s little point reflecting on the decision to stay at home.  It was made for the right reasons.  And while I feel a little fitter overall than I did a few weeks ago I’m still not sure how I’d have handled the Aussie heat or the regular flights around the country with a 22kg case.

Regardless, I do keep reflecting.  Even if I’m not regretting.  And that is extraordinarily frustrating.

My “I’ve Died” Please Do This List