The progression of my disease and the loss of foreign travel has hit hard. A big part of my post -diagnosis life was plan travel and then travel. A comment yesterday about how my blogs used to be longer is true. But there’s only so much you can write about constipation, the Anglesey hot tub and Oldham Athletic.
Yesterday summed it up. I’d planned a haircut. Sorting out my missing scan, waiting on return calls left me in a cant be arsed mood. I had time, but I couldn’t be bothered leaving the house. A year ago I was grabbing every opportunity to live. Now I’m over focused on reading stuff that, more and more, reminds me death relatively soon is likely. Granted, I’m not depressed. Pain levels are very low. But I do need to be careful I don’t waste what life I’ve got left.
Chris messaged me this morning about heading down to Oxford for the football tomorrow. My initial instinct was that I was too tired. Almost a sinking feeling. But it was a wake up call. I love our football away days. I have time and money to ease the journey over two days with a hotel stop. A friend has even hinted at being able to sort out free tickets. And although Chris hasn’t said, a web site he writes match reports for is run by an Oxford United fan. Possibly a chance to meet up.
It all falls into place nicely. Why waste a day when I can do stuff? Walk from hotel to ground is short. It’s a great opportunity to help me snap out of what I’d describe as a wasteful routine.
I drove down to the barbers. A small task that I’ve been putting off for weeks. Hair was styled like Heinz Wolf. Bald dome with hair sticking out at funny angles. Problem actioned and solved. A positive act.
I keep putting off lunch dates. Fear I’ll be too tired so I don’t arrange to meet people as often as I have been doing. Granted, feeling rubbish due to chemo and constipation isn’t great. But perhaps I should be arranging to meet people on the reasonable proviso I can cancel last minute.
From the barber I headed onto Wetherspoons for a solo lunch. No easy parking as Halifax was packed. So my first Burger King in years became the alternative. It always appeals yet never fails to disappoint. £6.24 of mediocre food and drink consumed that filled me up but didn’t leave me wanting to return.
Still, I got myself out and about, albeit without any social interaction. Time with Chris lined up and plans to see Rachel on Sunday.
I just need to ensure I can keep finding a zest for life. It’d be a poor show to be a miserable so and so and then survive for years!