Sat in the radiotherapy centre at St James Hospital I was bored.  And a bit fidgety.  I’m not enjoying being made to wait.  I’m frustrated at being ready for this treatment so soon and don’t like it.

Then I heard a ripple of applause go around the waiting room.  And realised that it was in response to a bell ringing.  A few minutes later I heard it again.  Same audience response, the polite clap.  And then, just for a moment, it must have been dusty in there.  A tear fell from my good eye.  A realisation that the bell probably indicated the all clear from cancer.

And while obviously happy for anybody getting such good news, I have to admit that it was a tear of sadness, possibly even jealousy.  I won’t get to ring that bell.  Not that my iffy heating could work out where it was in the waiting area.

I don’t want to wallow in self pity.  Life is too short for that.  But great news for others didn’t make me feel good for myself.

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