Three days ago, on 26th June, I attended a rather disappointing Eye Clinic appointment. They promised me a follow up appointment in six months. But, excitingly, three days later, they’ve sent a letter confirming time travel is possible and that I can re-attend Monday’s pointless hospital visit three days in the past.
This raises great questions about what other key moments in time I should go back to. Perhaps a trigger point in the elongated process of diagnosing my cancer. Pre-pain (as the bugger had already spread by then) would fit.
That strange grumbling in my chest that I ignored at the start of last year. If I’d insisted on an X-ray then one assumes I’d have had my little killer lumps surgically removed, an elongated recovery process and then back to work! Within a couple of months that odd, mild grumble had been replaced with bone pain. It was already game over. That was my key and very limited time window.
But then, despite (or because of) the death sentence, there’s been something enlightening and freeing in my life. Going back in time to change things might remove that freedom. I’d be a desk slave again. Trips away restricted by work commitments. My current “who gives a toss” approach to things would have remained one of cautious respect for things that irritate.
I would quite like to go back to the 1992 League Two play-off final and tell the linesman the whole circumference of the ball hadn’t crossed the line just a split second before he outrageously awarded Peterborough an injury time winner against Stockport. Or teach his mate on the other side of the pitch that day the offside law at some point before the game.
Or 27th January 2013, and watch Jose Baxter successfully chip the Liverpool keeper to put Oldham 4-1 up with just ten minutes remaining of an unbelievable FA Cup fourth round tie. Rather than lamely landing the ball straight into the goalie’s arms and letting Liverpool fight back to 3-2 and nearly grab an equaliser.
I wouldn’t change marriage, step kids, Chris or divorce. I’d up my levels of self-belief over the years. That cost me a lot in the second half of my career, but I still did OK for myself.
It’s strange thinking I might not want to change my current situation. If I’m being completely honest I think I would do whatever is necessary to reverse this illness if I could. But it does remind me that I feel happy with myself and comfortable with what life has served up.
But there’s no way I’d attend that pointless eye appointment last Monday again!!